Worst PickUp Lines
by Jules713
Summary: A Marauder's Guide To the Worst PickUp Lines. Includes corny pickup lines, Wormtail wanting hugs, Padfoot and the 'Speech', and Prongs' need to get new friends.


_**The Marauder's Guide To The Worst Pick-up Lines**_

Mr. Prongs would like to introduce you to the Marauder's Guide To The Worst Pick-up Lines.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to add most of these were used by Mr. Prongs on his beloved Lily._

**Mr. Moony would like to welcome everyone, because he's a good host.**

Mr. Prongs would like to say that it's not dinner.

Mr. Wormtail would like dinner right now..

_Mr. Padfoot would like to tell Mr. Wormtail to put a sock in it._

Mr. Prongs would like to agree.

**Mr. Moony would like to ask when this Guide is going to start.**

_Mr. Padfoot would like to glare haughtily at Mr. Moony and say he was getting to that._

Mr. Prongs would like to get this started.

Mr. Wormtail would like not to say 'would like' every time.

**Mr. Moony agrees.**

Mr. Prongs is going to start this guide now.

**_All Messrs. would like to begin too_**.

Mr. Prongs says one of the worst is 'Your legs must be really tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day.'

_Mr. Padfoot snickers and adds that Mr. Prongs has used that line before_.

**Mr. Moony says that another is 'Was that love at first site or should I walk by again?'**

Mr. Prongs disagrees and says that's a good pick-up line.

_Mr. Padfoot believes that's only because Mr. Prongs hasn't used it before._

Mr. Wormtail would like to start the battle of the pick-up lines!

_**All other Messrs. agree.**_

_Mr. Padfoot-I'm here. What were your other two wishes?_

Mr. Wormtail- Honey, I'll be your candy.

Mr. Prongs-Does Merlin know you've escaped from heaven?

**Mr. Moony-If I could arrange the alphabet I would put U and I together.**

_Mr. Padfoot-There's something wrong with my eyes - I can't take them off you._

Mr. Prongs-Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?

Mr. Wormtail-What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this.

**Mr. Moony- You look like someone I know.**

_Mr. Padfoot- Do you come here often?_

Mr. Prongs thinks most of these were made up

_Mr. Padfoot seconds that and adds he's made up all of his._

**Mr. Moony grudgingly answers he's heard most.**

Mr. Prongs throws his hands up in despair.

_Mr. Padfoot thinks this is more like a romance novel than a guide for idiots._

Mr. Wormtail thinks they shall call it 'Guide for Idiots Novel'

**Mr. Moony thinks we should stop thinking.**

_Mr. Padfoot doesn't think._

_**All other Messrs. know.**_

_Mr. Padfoot shall slap them all upside the head._

Mr. Prongs thinks all other Messrs. are getting off top-Look it's Lily!

**Mr. Moony doesn't think he's coming back**

_Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Prongs is gone forever._

Mr. Wormtail doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

_Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Wormtail should laugh, because Mr. Wormtail cries weepily like a girl._

Mr. Wormtail cries in corner.

_Mr. Padfoot points out that it's still weepily._

**Mr. Moony tries not to laugh but fails miserably.**

_Mr. Padfoot laughs._

**Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Wormtail still cries like a girl...**

_Mr. Padfoot is getting a stomachache from laughing._

Mr. Wormtail feels lonely.

**Mr. Moony laughs also.**

Mr. Prongs is back.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to know if Mr. Prongs was rejected._

**Mr. Moony already knows the answer.**

Mr. Prongs scowls and remembers that he needs to get new friends.

_Mr. Padfoot feels his ego being wounded._

**Mr. Moony didn't know that was possible.**

Mr. Wormtail doesn't have an ego.

_**All Messrs. scoff at this.**_

Mr. Prongs reminds everyone that Mr. Wormtail doesn't have a girlfriend either.

Mr. Wormtail turns red and retorts that neither does Mr. Prongs.

_Mr. Padfoot objects and says that he's seen Mr. Prongs getting cozy with that Hufflepuff bimbo._

Mr. Prongs glares at Mr. Padfoot and says that Tisha is only a friend and Lily is the only girl he wants.

_Mr. Padfoot asks if he can have Tisha instead._

Mr. Prongs reminds Mr. Padfoot of his girlfriend.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to know which one._

**Mr. Moony's eyebrows raise as he asks if Mr. Padfoot as more than one.**

_Mr. Padfoot isn't sure._

Mr. Wormtail finds that a bad thing if you can't keep track.

**_All other Messrs. ( except Mr. Padfoot) agree_**.

**Mr. Moony says it's time to get back on topic before Mr. Padfoot attacks us brutally.**

Mr. Wormtail asks Mr. Prongs which pick-up line he used on Lily.

Mr. Prongs says he used 'Hello Cupid Flooed, he says to tell you I need my heart back.'

_Mr. Padfoot would like to know what Lily said back._

Mr. Prongs blushes and says she turned around but he thinks he saw her smile.

Mr. Wormtail thinks Mr. Prongs is lying.

Mr. Prongs tells Mr. Wormtail to back up before he slaps him.

_**All other Messrs. (besides Mr. Wormtail) agree.**_

**Mr. Moony would like to know if all the girls swooned around Mr. Prongs**.

Mr. Prongs was only looking at Lily.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to start everyone in a group 'aw'._

Mr. Prongs cracks and finally slaps all other Messrs. upside the head.

**Mr. Moony wants to know what he did wrong to be slapped.**

Mr. Prongs takes back the slap from Mr. Moony.

**Mr. Moony thinks the damage is already done.**

Mr. Wormtail makes room for Mr. Moony in his corner.

**Mr. Moony wouldn't go in his corner if it was the last corner on Earth.**

_Mr. Padfoot snickers._

Mr. Wormtail feels insulted.

Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Wormtail is an insultment.

**Mr. Moony thinks 'insultment' isn't a word.**

_Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony must not know how Mr. Prongs speaks._

**Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Prongs speaks weird.**

Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Moony is weird.

**Mr. Moony at least has a reason.**

_Mr. Padfoot takes the silence as a quiet make-up between Mr. Moony and Mr. Prongs._

Mr. Wormtail wonders where the other Messrs. are.

Mr. Prongs is still here.

_Mr. Padfoot is too._

**Mr. Moony isn't.**

Mr. Wormtail wonders where Mr. Moony is then.

Mr. Prongs sighs and points to where Mr. Moony is.

**Mr. Moony wants to finish this Guide because he, unlike some other people, does his homework.**

_Mr. Padfoot adds so that the other Messrs. can copy._

**Mr. Moony would like to know what the other Messrs. would do if they couldn't copy.**

Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Moony wouldn't do that to the other Messrs. because he loves them so much.

_Mr. Padfoot wants to yell 'Group Hug' but doesn't think anyone will hug._

Mr. Wormtail would hug.

Mr. Prongs backs away from Mr. Wormtail slowly.

Mr. Wormtail has just thought of a new pick up line.

Mr. Prongs thinks that's an excuse to get him back so Mr. Wormtail can hug him.

_Mr. Padfoot whistles as he waits for the idiots to get back on topic._

**Mr. Moony tells Mr. Padfoot to go back where he came from.**

_Mr. Padfoot would like to complain that it's stuffy and crowded where he came from._

**Mr. Moony raises his eyesbrows and quickly drops the subject.**

_Mr. Padfoot starts 'The Birds and the Bees' speech._

Mr. Prongs hums loudly and covers his ears.

**Mr. Moony rolls his eyes and flips through a book.**

Mr. Prongs rolls his eyes and rakes his hand through his hair.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to know if Mr. Prongs' hair is a garden if he rakes it._

**Mr. Moony chucks his book at Mr. Padfoot.**

_Mr. Padfoot throws his book in the fire._

Mr. Wormtail leaves.

**Mr. Moony is ending this Guide.**

_Mr. Padfoot throws his book at Moony and laughs when he lies on the floor unconsious._

Mr. Prongs backs away from Padfoot, turns around, and runs away.

_Mr. Padfoot laughs manically._

**Mr. Moony gropes for the Guide and closes it, thus ending 'A Marauder's Guide To The Worst Pick-Up Lines'.**

_Mr. Padfoot throws the Guide out the window, guessing it was found if you're reading it._

A/N: I appreciate feedback.


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